Is it only two years the little cat’s dead now?
not in an innocent’s dream
but at my door, so real
I can feel her fur in my tears.
Whoever called the injections
by which we kill our animals “sleep”
had no conscience.
Euphemisms hide facts
but they do not change them, for surely
if my brain believed there was good in her death,
Eemie would not reappear like Banquo’s ghost,
reproaching with her presence
telling me truths I already know:
Even cats can die of loneliness
and she had had enough of being left to fend for herself.
Of course, there was food and water,
but after my father’s death,
she gave up waiting for some density of me
to return, to connect.
Then she gave up wanting me or food.
And when her liver failed
it was too late for anyone’s love to save her.
But what of her last look-around at the stainless world?
How could I think it curiosity,
that sudden raised head,
when it was only a reflex to euthanasia?
How could I not understand such plain table truth?
I asked the vet how long it would take.
“She’s already gone,” the vet said.