Okay so here is another rap lyric. I suggest that you try to play it on an apple or iphone/ipad device as people have said that these won’t play with Internet Explorer. Perhaps because they are created through Garage Band and with ITunes? Anyhow good luck! (This is a TRUE STORY about what happened in the New Britain General Hospital in May 2014, Hospital of Central Connecticut…NOTHING IS IMAGINED OR MADE UP IN fact things were much worse even than this song describes….) If these end up being popular enough, I will redo them with a good microphone and perhaps a video…


Doctor Balkunas, you think you can fuck with me?

Doctor Balkunas, you think you can punish me?

Doctor Balkunas you head shrunken mofucker

G’wan, have another headfucking think on it, mofo…
They brought me by ambulance, silent and broken

Terrified, mute, and on an “involuntary”

Not even speaking and mentally ill

I could make no choices, every word unspoken.

Do you know what it means when I say I was mute,

when I could not speak and words did not work

and the world was too loud and my head was too full

and there was no bridge and no hand to pull

me out from that in-between. Even security

wasn’t there to protect me, only nurses and from me

and even the first nurse who coldly appraised me

grabbed my one book and then took my phone and fled

as if she were plotting to fuck with my head

because she had only to ask me and take it politely,

and promise to take care of things, and do it nicely.

Such fierce flames of outrage surged in me, and anger!

So not even thinking, I went running after her

wanting just to reach her and grab my book back from her

Little did I know the reaction if I touched her.

Mike Balkunas, you thought you could fuck with me?

Mike Balkunas, you thought you could punish me?

Mike Balkunas, you thought you could shit on me?

Mikey, you mofo, have a new headshrinking think on it.

Quicker than quicker everyone was sicked on me,

from the aides to the orderlies, even the nurses.

Burly armed guards went piling up hard on me,

and the worst of the worst was patients made versus me

a 100-pound 60-year old lady of five foot three

upset that my two last possessions were snatched from me

without any reason or rhyme in the world really

by the usual criminal in the ER, the head RN

who knew I was powerless alone in that warren

of ER rooms, so she had me dragged me to seclusion.

where I had to bare-knuckle the dark in confusion

battling anguish and fear, with the voices’ profusion.

So to get someone to come in and hear my screaming

I pulled all my clothing off, for clothes had no meaning.

Mike Balkunas, you think you can fuck with me?

Mike Balkunas, you think you punish with impunity?

Mike Balkunas, you really think you can shit on me?

G’wan, Mofo, Have another headshrinking think, now, Mikey…

I screamed from the base of my lungs for an hour

but was utterly ignored by all who had power

to relent or release me. I hadn’t a notion

of what else to do, to get help or attention

or have them return to the room, but to start

hitting my head and even tearing apart

things I could throw, chair, clothes and chart.

Then came the goon squad of six beefy men

who easily brought me facedown on the floor again

I screamed and I struggled but it did me no good,

if you fight them they justify all that they would.

Much better to lie still and let them abuse you

and get discharged and hope against hope you can sue.

The ER in peril from the dangers I posed

such a monster as me, poorly muscled, unclothed,

they wanted me, mute, completely shut up.

so they rammed three injectables into my butt.

Mike Balkunas, honey, you thought you could fuck with me?

Mike Balkunas, sweetie, you believed you could punish me?

Mike Balkunas, sweetheart, you thought you could shit on me?

Aw, little boy, Balkie, do your headshrinking mofo thing with it…

Mikey? Mikey? Mofo…I’ll bet you won’t forget me for a lo-o-o-ooong time, will you?

Ha ha ha!

I wish to god I could forget you. You mofo. You mother fucker. Let this rap song be a lesson to you, not to fuck with poets and writers or you’ll get written into a history you might rather be forgotten.

Doctor Michael Balkunas, dare you fuck with me now?

Doctor Michael Balkunas, dare you punish me now?

Doctor Michael Balkunas, you head shrunken muthafucka

Mofo, Mikey go fuck another headshrinker and think on it.


  1. Awww. I’m happy to have lifted your spirits. But I’m NOT happy that no one cares enough to listen to you or to do anything about the way you were treated. 😦


  2. Oh Mai, Thank you so much for saying these things they lift my spirits tremendously! I have felt so down and out these past few weeks and I had not had the heart to read my comments here…TOnight I read what you wrote here and I LOVE you for saying what you have said to me here. THANK YOU SO MUCH! Yes, I considered a complaint but the DPH is not interested in mental patients in public hospitals, oddly enough. THey have no say so unless you were at a STATE hospital. It is incredible but there is NO agency tasked with overseeing what happens to psychiatric patients in general hospitals in CT, NONE that I have been able to find…NO ONE GIVES A (excuse me) shit what they do to us, and so they can get away with anything and everything and they do. I have looked into suits and complalints and complained EVERYWHERE but no one does a thing or even responds…WHere do I go now? I have NO IDEA! But yes, it does give me some satisfaction to have made MEB’s name MUD on the internet! ha ha ha!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You are a genius! This song is genius! I loved so much hearing your beautiful voice!

    As I’m reading about the abuse you’ve been subjected to in psychiatric hospitals, and especially at the hands of this horrible man, my heart aches for you. And I ache for all the mentally-ill who are, at best, misunderstood and, at worst, mistreated and abused when they are most defenseless. Please keep spreading the word about this. No one should ever have to be subjected to the kind of treatment you’ve received at the hands of those who have taken an oath to “first, do no harm.” I’d like to help spread the word about what you’ve been through by reblogging a post. Is there one you feel best relays your message?

    You know, I have a suggestion as to why you are singled out for such abuse. In so many ways I see my Pebbles in your intelligence, your strong will and your sense of self. I worry that should she grow up to be a young woman with mental health issues she could so easily find herself treated as you have been, precisely because she is stubborn and unyielding in her sense of fairness and of right vs. wrong. I can so see her fighting against harsh, unfair treatment as you have done and then, unable to adequately express herself in times of distress, being manhandled by medical professionals who misinterpret her actions.

    The good news is two of your blog posts appear on the first page of a Yahoo search for “Dr Michael E Balkunas!” Even better – a Google image search turns up tons of images from your posts. I am SO glad I am not Dr. Michael E Balkunas! 😉

    How thoughtless and arrogant of this man to refuse to talk to you unless you spoke to him. How weak-minded to consider you “cured” simply because you learned how to play his game. Which, by the way, you did an awesome job of out-foxing him. 🙂

    Have you considered filing a complaint about both him and the hospital with the Connecticut Department of Public Health?

    I know you can’t help being traumatized but please, please, please don’t let the horrible things that were done to you make you feel worthless. You are a treasure, my dear Pam. You have so much to offer the world, with your incredible gifts and indomitable spirit.

    Love ❤ Mai


  4. Hi Mark,
    The “soundtrack” on this one was just loops of beats found on Garageband and strung together…the music on the other rap, a few days ago was ditto, but a bit more complicated in sticking them together. GB is quite a program, it makes even us non-musicians sound like geniuses! I only really had much to do with the lyrics which I had everything to do with! Thanks for the comment! Pam


  5. Dear j, YOU HAVE MADE MY DAY!!! Thank you so much for this comment. I was so worried that nothing was getting through, though i have had private comments from friends, but this was the first from a stranger that shows – well- wow!! I mean it. You really have lifted my spirits. I think about what happened at nbgh every single effing day but doing this rap song was at least partially healing and my hope is that it might even get through to somebody!!! (Hear me, you mfer mike balkunas?!) thank you again, J.

    Pam Wagner


  6. Oh my God! That was great! You’re a natural. I love rap, especially ballads. You sound like what I always imagined Eminem would sound like as a woman. Testimony as art, by teaching instead of preaching, allows us to reflect on our mistakes and to feel outrage and sorrow over the victimization of other people when formal avenues for vindicating ourselves are insufficient or unavailable. Based on the posts to this blog, your life circumstances seem to have wounded you deeply. I can’t say that I know what you’re going through, but I hope you don’t give up doing the things that make you happy to be alive. None of the people who hurt you are worth dying over. You DO matter.


Talk to me! Let's continue the conversation.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s