All posts by Phoebe Sparrow Wagner

Artist, author, poet
Abuse

JE ME PLAINS DES COMMENTAIRES SUR MON CORPS

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Translation below the French.

Dites moi, s’il vous plaît, pourquoi tant de gens pensent qu’il est correct, qu’il est même acceptable, de commenter mon corps. D’accord, ce n’est pas tout le monde mais partout – partout! et surtout quand je m’y attends le moins –  je reçois des commentaires, jamais désirés ou invités et jamais anodines, sur mon poids, sur mon taille, sur quelques changements remarqués,(vrais ou imaginés) reçus d’amis autant que d’étrangers, d’hommes autant que de femmes, de vieux autant que de jeunes. Je ne comprends pas ça, pas du tout. 

Je ne fait jamais de commentaires sur la taille ou le poids d’autrui parce que leur apparence c’est vraiment sans importance pour moi. Je ne juge jamais les gens selon leur taille ou leur poids. Mais en revanche il me semble que tout le monde pense que c’est de son droit de commenter mon corps, en disant des choses vraiment cruelles et dommageables. Je ne vais plus au restaurants à cause des commentaires des serveurs et serveuses, oui, même eux, sur ce que je mange ou comment ou combien, ou commentaires sur mon poids, comme si j’appartiens à eux. 

Même les gens qui savent bien que je souffrais pendant des décennies d’un trouble d’alimentation, et savent même que les commentaires me font vraiment souffrir, commentent quand même!  Je ne le comprends pas. Je m’habilles modestement et pas d’une manière ostentatoire. Je couvre entièrement mes jambes et mes bras et tout mon corps. Je ne me comporte pas d’une façon fanfaronne. Je ne joue pas la coquette…N’oubliez pas que je suis asexuelle et tout cela restent sans importance pour moi. Mais même les gens que ne voient que mon visage sur un écran se sentent autorisés à commenter mon corps. C’est vraiment bizarre.

Mais ce n’est plus acceptable. Et je ne vais plus jouer le jeu, faire semblant de ne pas être choquée. Faire des commentaires sur mon corps, c’est impoli et pour dire vrai, c’est vraiment nocif parce que chaque commentaire influence mon comportement et peut déclencher un enchaînement des pensées obsédées et négatives. 

Arrêtez des commentaires sur mon corps et sur les corps d’autres. Arrêtez des jugements. Est ce qu’il n’y a pas assez de violence sur terre, sans vos commentaires et vos jugements?

I was not going to provide a translation but here’s more or less what google translate made of this.

Please tell me why so many people think it’s right, even acceptable to comment on my body. Okay, not everyone but everywhere – everywhere! and especially when I least expect it – I receive comments, never wanted or invited and never harmless, on my weight, on my size, on some changes noticed (real or imagined), received from friends as much as from strangers, men as well as women, old as well as young. I don’t understand that, not at all.

I never comment on other people’s size or weight because their appearance is really irrelevant to me. I never judge people by their size or weight. But on the other hand it seems to me that everyone thinks it’s their right to comment on my body, saying really cruel and harmful things. I no longer go to restaurants because of comments from waiters and waitresses, yes, even them, about what I eat, or how, or how much, or comments about my weight, as if I belong to them.

Even people who know full well that I suffered from an eating disorder for decades, and even know that the comments really hurt me, comment anyway! I don’t understand it. I dress modestly and not ostentatiously. I fully cover my legs and arms and my whole body. I don’t behave in a showy way. I don’t play the flirt. Don’t forget that I’m asexual and all that is irrelevant to me. But even people who only see my face on a screen feel entitled to comment on my body. It’s really weird.

But it is no longer acceptable. And I’m not going to play the game anymore, pretend not to be shocked. Commenting on my body is rude and to tell the truth, it’s really harmful because every comment influences my behavior and can trigger a chain of obsessive and negative thoughts.

Stop commenting on my body and the bodies of others. Stop judging ! Isn’t there enough violence on earth without your comments and judgments?

Art

FROM THE GUARDIAN September 2022

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The first line of the article below is stunning but the article that follows (see link) is even more so. Please read and come back here to tell me what you think.

“I’m a psychologist – and I believe we’ve been told devastating lies about mental health…”


https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/sep/06/psychologist-devastating-lies-mental-health-problems-politics?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

Art, papier mache

LA PETITE JEUNE FILLE

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She starts as chicken wire. Elle commence avec le grillage.
I add paper bag brown paper. Je la fais avec les sacs de papier collés au grillage.
She gets hands and feet. Also shorts. Elle a maintenant les mains et les pieds et elle porte le short.
I finally decided on pedal pusher length pants and gave her hair and eyes etc. Voila les cheveux et les pantalons plus long.
In the gallery …

Art

TEABAG PAINTINGS

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Yes teabag paintings! I took apart and washed the paper in a teabag, prepped it with gesso and painted on it. These are about 3” by 5” roughly. The two faces sleeping under the moon were just experiments but the white New England farmhouse is now framed and for sale. Today I will also post a new papier mâché sculpture but in a separate blog post. Paint is gouache acrylic and acrylic.

You can see the edges of the teabag paper here.

Art

New Cat in Oil Pastels

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Painted this afternoon for another member of Brattleboro Time Trade. Oil pastel 11” by 14”

Animals, Art

White Cat in Oil Pastels

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Art

MÉDECINS SANS FRONTIÈRES INSPIRED ME

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Using a copy of MSF Alert (below) I began a blind contour drawing of the woman with her baby on the cover, but it morphed finally into a collage using African textile patterns printed onto paper. The facial details were added with ink pens.

Apres avoir regardé la couverture (dessous) de la magazine de MSF, j’ai commencé ce tableau avec un dessin de contour à l’aveugle, mais je l’ai changé à un collage, fait de motifs africains imprimés sur papier. Puis j’ai ajouté les détails de visage avec des stylos.

Animals, Art

TWO NEW PET PORTRAITS

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The dog (11” by 14”) was painted for my brother and is a portrait of his dog. Acrylics, on canvas. The cat portrait, done for another member of Brattleboro Time Trade is twice the size of the dog painting and is also on canvas but was done in Sennelier and Holbein oil pastels. Sorry about the watermarks, but it’s necessary.


Animals, Art

Stages of a pet portrait

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From drawing to final portrait

Health

BRILLIANT Q AND A REGARDING PSYCH DRUGS

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https://www.quora.com/Why-are-so-many-people-afraid-of-taking-medication-for-anxiety-and-depression-I-have-a-friend-who-suffers-horribly-When-I-suggest-meds-she-freaks-out-She-reads-all-of-the-side-effects-and-thinks-they-will-happen-to/answer/Mark-Dunn-64?filter=all&nsrc=notif_page&sncid=33236509136&snid3=44667379772
Art, France

EN FRANCE MES ŒUVRES LES PLUS RÉCENTES. IN FRANCE, MY NEWEST WORK

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Also some photos in France of Guillestre and around there, where I am staying.

Des Oignons, some onions

des poires, some pears


le crâne d’un chien, a dogs skull

Je suis en France depuis déjà deux semaines mais le temps passe vite. Je n’ai que deux semaines de plus à Guillestre et après ça deux semaines à Paris…j’ai tout un tas de photos de vous montrer mais je crains que les photos sans fin des montagnes puissent être ennuyeuses . Je vais essayer de les organiser dans un diaporama, peut-être un peu plus tard. Pour le moment, juste quelques unes de Guillestre et les environs.

i have been in France for two weeks already but time is flying. I have only two more weeks in Guillestre and then two in Paris. Of course I have taken a whole pile of photos to show you, but endless photos of mountains could be boring so I’m going to try to make a slideshow of them, maybe a bit later. For now, just a few photos of Guillestre etc.

On top of a mountain, a très petite mountain above Guillestre.
Village center, à couple of restaurants and the tourist info center
The road, la rue de la petite Fontaine, on which I am living right in the center of town
Mountains in the distance during a trip to Orris en Rattier this past weekend.
Art, Realism

THREE PENCIL SKETCHES: KALE, APPLE, SQUASH

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All these sketches Maybe 4” by 8”
Art, House or building

HOUSE ON CHERRY STREET

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16” by 20” painted for a dear friend and fabulous gardener, as a gift
Mystery object

WHAT IS THIS? IT IS A MYSTERY TO ME!

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found among my mothers art supplies but no one knows what it’s for! If you recognize it or have a good guess, please do comment!

Art, Drawing, Psychology

CHALLENGE: DRAW A BICYCLE? (BET YOU CAN’T!)

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Can you draw a bicycle from memory, without looking at a photo or diagram? Before reading further, take out a sheet of paper and a pencil and try doing this, No cheating or looking at a picture.

Did you have trouble, even after initial confidence that this would be easy? Well, if so you are in good company!

Apparently this is a difficult task for most people and the following article explains why and shows the amusing results when your average person on the street is asked to do so. 

https://www.fastcompany.com/3059056/you-cant-draw-a-bike-and-we-can-prove-it

Italian Designer Gianluca Gimini has gone one step further in creating realistic renderings of such “impossible bicycles”.

https://www.behance.net/gallery/35437979/Velocipedia 

Nevertheless, I am going to show you how to easily draw a bicycle from memory, so the next time someone asks (if they ever do) Can you draw a bicycle from memory, you will be able to answer: “Of course, drawing a bicycle is easy!”

Step 1

Draw a circle, then at about a half diameter away, draw another identical circle. Find and mark the center of each.

step 2 Add a small circle with approximately a quarter of the diameter of original circles and place it  next to one wheel, this will be the rear wheel, with its center on a horizontal line to the center of the big circle.

Step 3 Draw a diagonal line from the center of the small circle to a point outside the “front wheel”, near but not quite vertically above the center, at around 11 o’clock 


Step 4 Add a line almost but not quite parallel to this front line, coming from the center of rear wheel.















Step 5 Connect the two diagonal lines as shown below, making a trapezoidal-like figure. Note that this is not a true trapezoid on most bikes, but close to it will do for our drawing.

Step 6  Drop two more lines. One from the upper right corner of “trapezoid-like figure” to the center of the front wheel.  Draw another running from the center of the small wheel through the upper intersection of lines  on the left (the  projection is the location for the seat). To complete most of the bike frame. add a small vertical line at the top in the front for the post that holds the handlebars,



Step 7  Add Chain and pedals as shown to small wheel













Step 8 Add seat and underslung handlebars at the height necessary for your rider.



Step 9 Thicken tires and reinforce bike frame if you wish


Et voila!you CAN draw a bicycle! (add spokes and panniers and water bottle as you wish)














Step 10 is the hardest part– adding a rider to your bicycle! Come back soon and I hope to explain this more difficult task  at a later date.


Can you draw a bicycle now? Take out a fresh piece of paper and try it to see how much you remember of this exercise. With only a little practice you will find drawing a bicycle is indeed easy!




Schizophrenia

QUORA QUESTION ANSWERED

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The question was this:

Do schizophrenics feel really hurt by their family members who won’t acknowledge their illness?


Four years ago I answered with this response:

First of all, I want to ask you to stop using the short hand word, ‘Schizophrenic” as it is demeaning and reduces a person to their diagnosis. As I have said repeatedly, a person who has had a myocardial infarction, or heart attack, is not called by most people (except the medical staff at a hospital when no one else is listening) “that infarct” and similarly a person who has suffered from Meningitis is not called a “meningitic”! Sorry if I sound somehow PC to you, but I have a personal stake in this, having been diagnosed for nearly 40 years with “schizophrenia” and my preference is to be called, first of all, a person…and then if you want to qualify further, you may add, a person “diagnosed with schizophrenia.” I am NOT my diagnosis and the more one qualified me as simply that, a schizophrenic, the more impossible recovery became. It was only when I walked away from the mental illness system and started speaking up about the word, and how I am a person first of all, that I found the road to health and wholeness.

That said, I was rejected by my father first of all, who disowned me for nearly 35 years…and this led to my entire family, including aunts, uncles and cousins dropping all contact with me. I never received a phone call or a letter or a visit from most of them ( except occasionally my siblings) during all that time, and it was only when my father died (and also after I came out with a memoir, published by St Martins Press) and I attended the funeral that they so much as spoke to me.

Hurt? That does not even begin to describe it. My father told lie after lie about why he had no contact with me, even as I tried mightily to establish some connection. Why? Because he was angry with me for leaving medical school, and being hospitalized…and he decided that whatever my diagnosis, I was a failure and no good for anyone, especially him. But to others who knew me, he told them I had left home and any relationship with him out of rage…even though it was in fact his rage that prevented my name from being spoken in his presence. When he met any new people he said he had three children, never acknowledging my existence. This was so extreme that when I read a poem about and for him at his funeral the attendees there, 400 or so, most did not know who I was, sitting among my siblings behind the pulpit.

To this day, I come across people who have never learned that the good doctor S—- had four children, not three. They were never even told that my own twin sister had a twin who was not being spoken to or about or of…

Now, I was very hurt, yes. At one point, in hurt and outrage, I threatened if he ever made the claim again that he only had 3 children, I would immolate myself publicly in front of his window just so that would be the final vision he would have seared on his retina…As he knew I was capable of this, I think he understood how hurt i was. But he nevertheless never did inform anyone about me, or even when we reconciled did he let a soul except my mother and siblings know this.

I am unclear as to the thrust of this question however. How do most people react to being rejected by their families, on any account? People diagnosed with schizophrenia are HUMAN and have normal human emotions, and to expect that they would not get hurt by such behavior is not only inhuman, it is absurd.

Art, House or building

END OF AUGUST ART – HOUSE PORTRAIT

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Animals, Art, House or building

HOUSE AND PET PORTRAITS SLIDE SHOW

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Tried to add photos chronologically but some are still misplaced.

Animals, Art

NEW DOG PORTRAIT-ITALIAN GREYHOUND

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Art, House or building

HOUSE ON CHASE STREET

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16” by 20” acrylic