WAGblog:  Dum Spiro Spero

WAGblog: Dum Spiro Spero

Search
Skip to content
  • Archives
  • Handmade Jewelry
  • Poetry
  • Updated Contact Info
Art and artwork, Drawing, Hospital, portraits

New Artwork in Stressful Times

April 13, 2012 Phoebe Sparrow Wagner 3 Comments

 

Things really are stressful, not least because this lovely 17 year old cat refuses to eat and barely drinks…

It is too late to write much and I am much too tired, but suffice it to say that I am overwhelmed with sadness for, well, my father, my dying cat, and the stress of a face to face mediation that has been scheduled between me and the people who tortured me at that certain hospital about which I am always writing. You would think I would be happy to be getting somewhere but no, I feel only worn out and sad beyond belief. I wish I could look forward to it, somehow. But I just feel guilty, because I did not do anything to prevent their abuse. I should have refused to lie down on that restraint bed! I should not have gone like a lamb to the slaughter just because I was afraid…I should have just stood there and made them carry me over. Not fought or resisted just done passive non-violence…I feel so slimed that I actually went to that bed and lay down on it, naked (covered with part of a sheet, that they moved away to restrain my limbs so cruelly as to cause me exquisite physical pain…) I feel so guilty and so terribly sad. WHy didn’t I resist? Why did I do what they said to? I had always resisted up until then? Why did I let the fear of their assaulting me again get the better of me?! I cannot forget that, I cannot forgive MYSELF for it. I feel more degraded by that than by almost anything… I feel dirty and scummy and like a disgusting piece of garbage…

 

 

Share this:

  • Reddit
  • Skype
  • WhatsApp
  • Email
  • Tumblr
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Print
  • LinkedIn

Like this:

Like Loading...

Related

ArtblogcreativityHealthlifememoirpersonalPersonal historyReflectionsThoughtstruthupdateWriting

Post navigation

Previous PostShock Treatment/ ECT – Therapy or Torture?Next PostNew Artwork on Display Soon

3 thoughts on “New Artwork in Stressful Times”

  1. Christina says:
    April 28, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    It angers me that you received psychiatric abuse.

    You really need to create a psychiatric advance directive Pam. It’s a legally enforceable document. You get someone you trust to act as your mental health care proxy to show the advance directive to the staff at the hospital. It states your preferences for treatment in the event you have decompensated to the point where you can’t speak for yourself. In my New York State psychiatric advance directive, I state that under no circumstance am I to be given Zyprexa, Risperdal or Clozaril or any other major weight-gaining drug. I list, in order of my preference, the kinds of immediate treatment I will accept should the staff need to calm me down if I’m in an agitated state.

    I know about psychiatric advance directives because I was a NAMI Peer-to-Peer educator and I showed peers how to create their own advance directives. I’ve had my own advance directive for over 5 years. You should investigate whether Connecticut is a state that legally enforces psychiatric advance directives.

    You also might want to take the Peer-to-Peer education course to create a relapse prevention plan and (free) psychiatric advance directive, two of the best benefits of taking this 9-week course. If you don’t want to take this NAMI class, you could investigate hiring an attorney to create your advance directive

    I will consider asking if you want to tell your story in abbreviated form at HealthCentral’s schizophrenia community web site where I’m the HealthGuide. Your story about the 24-hour restraints, if you want, I could post to generate attention to the fact that it’s 2012 and these things still happen.

    Just let me know.

    Christina Bruni

    LikeLike

  2. Pamela Spiro Wagner says:
    April 13, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    thank you for your support Ing. I just feel like I aided and abetted my torturers, and that if only I had resisted they would have stopped…and that makes me complciit…But I will try my best not to go there. It is just so hard and I think about this every single day. I try to distract myself with art and writing, but it is very very difficult.

    LikeLike

  3. Ing says:
    April 13, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    I don’t know what to say Pam. It sounds like you are going through a lot and also punishing yourself. Be kind to yourself Pam and by the way — nothing about you is dirty and slimy. Please take care of yourself Pam for there are a lot of people who care about you and love you and look forward to reading your beautiful poetry.

    LikeLike

Talk to me! Let's continue the conversation.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

Gravatar
WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Cancel

Connecting to %s

Recent Posts from Phoebe’s All Art Blog: Art Every Day 365

Phoebe’s Art Selling Website

November and December Art

Buy Phoebe’s Art at New Website! Copy and paste link.

https://www.artfolie365.com/

Buy my newest book of art and poetry

We Mad Climb Shaky Ladders

Buy We Mad Climb Shaky Ladders Here

Buy my memoir

Buy my Art and Art Items at Redbubble

https://www.redbubble.com/people/Pamwagg/shop

GO to My Zazzle Store to buy this poster

Phoebe’s Artwork at Flickr

Millicent with catAmirPearsDogs skull
More Photos

Top Clicks

  • wachiraflorence.wordpress…

Categories

Check out my Zazzle Store for Mad Art and more

http://www.zazzle.com/madartnmorestore*

Top Posts

  • Art created at the Torture Chamber called the Institute of Living at Hartford Hospital
  • Body Bagged, 4-pointed, Secluded and Tortured -- All in the name of Treatment?
  • Five Point Restraints At Vermont Psychiatric Care Hospital (cont)
  • Rudyard Kipling's IF (altered to remove sexist language)
  • Institute of Living, 2013, Torture and Illegal Confinement Part 2
  • Michael E Balkunas MD, chief of psychiatry at New Britain General Hospital — what did he do?
  • White Cat in Oil Pastels

"While I breathe, I hope"

Do NOT use my text or images without permission

Please contact me at my email to ask my permission to use either my text or my images. I need context as to where they will be used and in what manner and for what purpose.

Thank you,

Phoebe

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 934 other subscribers

Finally My Bloglist ReSurfaces!

Blog Stats

  • 304,431 hits
April 2012
S M T W T F S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
2930  
« Mar   May »

Posts I Like

Recent Comments

Mary Hanley on New Cat in Oil Pastels
Phoebe Sparrow Wagne… on New Cat in Oil Pastels
Linda Lee Adams/Lady… on New Cat in Oil Pastels
laurengb on White Cat in Oil Pastels
caroleannvitale42 on New Cat in Oil Pastels

Wagblog Followers

What i write about most…

  • abuse
  • African American
  • Art
  • Book
  • creativity
  • Drawing
  • Health
  • life
  • medications
  • memoir
  • Memory
  • mental-health
  • mental hospital
  • mental illness
  • Mental Illness
  • New Britain General Hospital
  • original art
  • painting
  • Pamela Spiro Wagner
  • papier mache
  • paranoia
  • personal
  • Phoebe Sparrow Wagner
  • poem
  • Poetry
  • portrait
  • portraits
  • psychiatrist
  • psychiatry
  • Recovery
  • Reflections
  • restraints
  • Schizophrenia
  • schizophrenia symptoms
  • seclusion
  • Thoughts
  • torture
  • Trauma
  • truth
  • Writing

NO AWARDS BLOG, Thanks!

Art site

  • #1 art at Pam's FLICKR photostream
  • * Pam's Zazzle Store for Tee shirts and Cards

Blogroll

  • "Pam Wagner's All Schizophrenia Blog"
  • All PoemHunter poems of Pam's here
  • Buy Pam's Poetry book at Amazon.com
  • Christina Bruni's Website
  • Get Robert Whitaker's Groundbreaking Book here
  • Holistic Schizophrenia Blog
  • Karen Sorensen's Schizoaffective Artist website
  • Mad In America
  • Michelle's Dogkisses Blog
  • Overcoming Schizophrenia
  • Vera Poh's To Dad With Love
  • Victoria's Blog on Childhood Schizophrenia
  • Vision 3-D Link
  • Wildflowers' Movement
  • WordPress.com
  • WordPress.org
  • Yin and Yang

Blogs I Follow

  • TheCommonAtheist
  • Bridgette Tales
  • Silicon Valley Types
  • Poetry from John Looker
  • Fugitive Psychiatrist
  • Polyglottes
  • Art by Daz
  • laurenspiro.wordpress.com/
  • bluebird of bitterness
  • soulipsis
  • A Pause for Nature
  • Simoneteffect - Pure Black & White
  • The Drawing of the Words
  • Walking through the fields of paper
  • Abuse with an Excuse
  • YennPurkis
  • Gourmet Paper Mache
  • Daniel Douglas' Blog
  • lemanshots - Fine Pictures and Digital Art
  • Elan Mudrow

Blog Stats

  • 304,431 hits

Phoebes All Art Blog

http://arteveryday365.com

Posts: Monthly Archive

Blog at WordPress.com.
TheCommonAtheist

One minute info blogs escaping the faith trap

Bridgette Tales

Everybody has a story. Here's a little of mine.

Silicon Valley Types

portraits & figures by an older woman artist, with blue collar roots

Poetry from John Looker

Fugitive Psychiatrist

Polyglottes

Apprenez les langues !

Art by Daz

Life is too short to be petty-minded

laurenspiro.wordpress.com/

bluebird of bitterness

The opinions expressed are those of the author. You go get your own opinions.

soulipsis

What sense in chaos.

A Pause for Nature

A pause to admire nature's unparalleled beauty.

Simoneteffect - Pure Black & White

The Drawing of the Words

Strange Anatomy, Awkward Perspectives

Walking through the fields of paper

Abuse with an Excuse

Punishment is just Abuse with an Excuse

YennPurkis

Thoughts on all things Autism and mental health

Gourmet Paper Mache

Not your third grade paper mache

Daniel Douglas' Blog

lemanshots - Fine Pictures and Digital Art

Elan Mudrow

Smidgens

Kingbird Graphica

Life with wings

Amdall Gallery

Artwork, data analysis, and other projects by Jon

Art Every Day 365

My Life is Art, My Art is Life

Art Every Day

Art Every Day

TheCommonAtheist

One minute info blogs escaping the faith trap

Bridgette Tales

Everybody has a story. Here's a little of mine.

Silicon Valley Types

portraits & figures by an older woman artist, with blue collar roots

Poetry from John Looker

Fugitive Psychiatrist

Polyglottes

Apprenez les langues !

Art by Daz

Life is too short to be petty-minded

laurenspiro.wordpress.com/

bluebird of bitterness

The opinions expressed are those of the author. You go get your own opinions.

soulipsis

What sense in chaos.

A Pause for Nature

A pause to admire nature's unparalleled beauty.

Simoneteffect - Pure Black & White

The Drawing of the Words

Strange Anatomy, Awkward Perspectives

Walking through the fields of paper

Abuse with an Excuse

Punishment is just Abuse with an Excuse

YennPurkis

Thoughts on all things Autism and mental health

Gourmet Paper Mache

Not your third grade paper mache

Daniel Douglas' Blog

lemanshots - Fine Pictures and Digital Art

Elan Mudrow

Smidgens

  • Follow Following
    • WAGblog: Dum Spiro Spero
    • Join 934 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • WAGblog: Dum Spiro Spero
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Copy shortlink
    • Report this content
    • View post in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...
 

    %d bloggers like this: